none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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