How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
