Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
My liver is preforming stress tests.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
