did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Randomize
