cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
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