i just had sex bonerless
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize