the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
did you just send me my own nude
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
