I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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