I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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