I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
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