guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Randomize
