after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Randomize
