you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
