dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
