Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Acid is not a monday night drug
we're making bets on your personal life
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
