I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
