My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Randomize
