I'm eating all of the evidence.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
