My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
