On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
He has the fingertips of a God
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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