Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
