I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
