How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
