Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
why does every cop we meet know your name?
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
