peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
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