At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
