Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Randomize
