i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
