This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize