You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
cat food counts as protein by the way
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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