life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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