I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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