I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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