you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
