So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
