I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Randomize
