You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
