my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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