I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
