literally had 100 drinks last night.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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