today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
