Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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