i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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