dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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