i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Still dying that you shit outside
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
