and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
