im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
