i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize