My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
