so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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