Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
