I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
