forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize