Well douche your snatch and let's go!
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
