Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
we're so committed to being not committed
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize