Fuck appropriateness.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
