"it" just moved
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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