Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I'm like, not good at living.
Randomize
