I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
The best revenge is premature balding
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Randomize
