You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
