I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Drunk is a universal language darling
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