I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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