I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Randomize
