dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
