he shaved USA in his pubs
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
